When my first daughter was born three years ago I thought it might be nice to start some wonderful new family traditions. Every Christmas we drive down the coast to cut down our own tree. To celebrate birthdays, good report cards or yay! you pooped! we travel in our private jet to the destination of the guest of honor’s choice, spending three weeks being pampered and indulging in the finer things. No, I made that one up, we don’t own a jet. We rent one.
I also began the custom of taking photos of daughter Reese in front of every garbage can in San Francisco and beyond. Why? Why not. I imagined the walls in our home lined with beautiful photographs of her in front of cans in Rome, New York, London, Newark….
I only manged to take 2 photos, abandoning my project after another mother at the park who by the way, was clad in a yellow Chanel jogging suit with terrified nanny in tow, gave me an incredibly loathsome look. A look so horrendous it was as if she had just sucked on a lemon covered in slugs and pubic hair. I’m quite sure this would be the expression on her face after giving her husband a blow job.
But it wasn’t just old lemon face who changed my mind. It was picturing my daughter in therapy years to come revealing to the doctor how her mother was completely demented and how I forced her to pose with garbage. Lots of it.
Here are the two photos I managed to snap. You can see she was very pleased.
I’m sure I will manage to come up with some really good crap for her to unleash on her therapist. Just give me a week or two.
10 Comments
WWAAHHH! I’m crying because I’m laughing SO hard! OMG! I just love the description of the snotty woman. LLLOOOLLL!
Thanks a lot A! I’m going to put your blog link on my next post, if you don’t mind. They should come visit your page often if they need laughs. You write well and give details that we can identify with.
Happy night to you and family!
Hi there!
Hahaha, it may be twisted to some but I think it’s really funny LOL. This post got me laughing. Please take more photos of your kid with trash cans involved.
She will thank you for it someday! I really like your idea! But maybe because I have a pretty twisted mind too LOL.
Much Love,
Shey – I can use all the visitors I can get. Link away!
Half Crazy? Sounds like me. Glad you enjoyed my trash can adventures.
Well, you know how much I loved that project of yours. I have been taking pictures of Token in front of numerous garbage cans in CT.
Maybe you should try posing Token on the hood of your new fancy car in various locations. The beach, in front of Colony Pizza….
Let’s all just pause for a moment and read the labels for this post, shall we? Slowly now, everyone together: “blow…
Yes, the description of that woman is great. Save it and write it into fiction some day!
Mark, I thought I might attract a new kind of reader to my blog. One who enjoys “blow..
Careful what you ask for!