I woke up this morning to a 13 month old with a slight cough and a refusal to eat. Had to be the Swine Flu I thought. We’ve been out and about so much lately she must have gotten sick from the thousands of strangers who approach us daily, because for some reason people love babies. They especially love to touch them.
I understand most people mean well, but how I am to know that the man with the crumpled shirt, tousled hair, half eaten tuna fish sandwich hanging out of his coat pocket didn’t just have his hands down his pants trying to remove the toilet paper from his ass? Or the woman with the Chihuahua and huge diamond tiara didn’t just take out her tampon 2 seconds before approaching us? One time there was a woman with a sniffley, runny nose on the other side of the gate at the children’s park waiting next to a car, engine idling, door wide open, yelling to me “Can I hold her?” Um NO! I just politely told her my baby doesn’t like contagious kidnappers.
I guess I just don’t trust people and their personal hygiene. Do you know that shopping cart handles are more germy than a public restroom? Fecal matter, semen. What!? That’s why I always go to the store armed with my antibacterial wipes, spray, hazmat suit…
I think it’s pretty simple. Wash your hands after you use the bathroom, pick your nose, jerk off, pluck a chicken, dismember your Mom, etc, etc….and stay away from my baby please.
Was it the Swine Flu? No, turns out she just had to make a giant poop. But maybe I’ll just rethink this whole going out of the house thing.
6 Comments
Hey, you’re just adding to those reasons for staying in one by one by one. One begins to understand the recluse point of view, except that one can get bored of delivered pizza.
The poor kid, I can relate. The bigger it is, the more pronounced the symptoms.
Yes Fran, maybe I’m destined for reclusivity (is that even a word?) Fortunately my kids are tough as nails, they can survive on anything in a can and lots of sugary soda. I have HUGE stockpile in the pantry.
So true Mark. This one was BIG.
This was such a delightfully funny and honest post. I laughed out loud at the sniffling lady with the idling car asking to hold your baby. My friends set the trend to always wash their hands before holding someone’s baby. After doing it a few times in front of the rest of us it sinks in to always have it that way.
Thanks for stopping by, I’m so glad I made you laugh Freckled Past! Once you have kids other people’s germs are scary…