My undies have been inside out all day because this jet lag is kicking my ass. Clearly I am too lazy to fix them. Not sure why a minuscule 3 hour time difference should be such a big deal, but it is and I’m a mess. Maybe it’s all the drinking I did at the airport bar the other day while I left the kids to mingle with the strangers who were waiting to board flight 666 to Tunisia.
I love to travel and if I could I would probably jump on a plane tomorrow and fly somewhere else. Anywhere. But it’s good to be home in San Francisco with my dog, cats, and that hairy dude who sleeps next to me at night.
Here are a few reasons I’m glad to be home in San Francisco. Or maybe not….
- My Mom has an old house with tricky wiring so now that I’m home I can plug in my vibrator without it bursting into flames when I turn it up to SUPER DUPER VIBRATE. Nobody likes a charred vagina
- Those darn dirty hippies down the hill on Haight Street. Please stop bothering me while I’m out shopping for tampons or a screwdriver or meat. I don’t need to buy any pills, pot, or incense
- I can get back to watching my neighbor do his nude push ups at exactly 7:42 every evening while I sip my Merlot and eat a juicy hot dog
- I desperately want a normal corner store. One that does not stock expensive bottled water from Scandinavia, hand churned ice cream by monks for $29 a pint, and smelly soaps that one would never dare use because they are just too damn pretty
- The FOG. Sometimes it’s nice, because with fog comes fog horns. I find them incredibly soothing to listen to in the evening. Most of the time though, the fog can suck it. Especially in the summer when I yearn for a 75 degree day and I must don a down parka
I feel better now.
8 Comments
Welcome home! I imagine that it would be a rare person who could love San Francisco and suburban Connecticut simultaneously. Just a guess.
Welcome back. Careful of that wiring now.
Thanks Lesley. Are you implying I am strange?
Me thinks I am.
Good to be home adventuringmaya. I'm sure you know about travel!
My husband has checked the wiring. All clear.
Wait! Your vibrator plugs in? I gotta get with it! Mine operates on watch batteries…
Welcome home!
P.S. I heart travel and booze too! If you are going somewhere, PLEASE TAKE ME!
Welcome home! Going on a vacation is always fun but there's no place like home esp. when you need good wiring for your vibrator. hehehe
Sophia's Mom – My vibrator has a cord because it dates back to the 1930's.
It also doubles as a curling iron.
Thanks Shey! Good to be back, although the vibrator stays in the drawer now that I'm home with Mr. Brilliant Sulk.
Lots of vibrator talk here today, huh?