Dear Mint Milano Cookies,
I saw you yesterday at the Haight Ashbury Nonconformist Friendship Market down the street. I had popped in to purchase a roll of organic plastic wrap so my silken tofu would stay fresh for a few more days (yes, I love tofu)
I must admit I was quite shocked to see you sitting there on the shelf next to the all natural flax carob chip cookies. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was overjoyed to see you, yet disgusted at the same time.
Against my better judgement I picked you up and shoved you to the bottom of my reusable grocery basket amongst the large, juicy summer peaches, perfectly crisp baby arugula and a box of reusable hemp tampons.
I approached the checker who had a dazzling peace sign tattooed on her forehead as well some super furry armpits (hey, weren’t they a band?) and put my items onto the conveyor belt. I made an excuse as to why you were “with” my other purchases. I quickly turned and blamed my three year old daughter Reese. “Did you put these in here?” She looked up at me and really wanted to say “You deranged fuck, YOU put them in there 2 seconds ago, duh.” Instead I received a blank stare. “Crazy kids!” I said with a smile.
I opened your stay fresh foil lined bag and gave one cookie to each of my kids for the walk home up the hill.
Later that day while the kids were napping, I ate one. Then another. And another. Soon, you were gone. I ATE THE WHOLE BAG. And then I felt profoundly ill. And wanted to throw up. What am I, three?
This is the end. I am putting my foot down. I am so sticking with the flax carob chip cookies because there’s no way in Hell I’ll ever be tempted to eat an entire bag of that crap.
Goodbye forever.
17 Comments
Umm, REUSABLE tampons? Care to explain? Wait, on second thought, don't.
Yeah, are they 'wash and wear' or smoke-able? Be danged if I'd try to get the oil out of 'em for brownies. (shudders)
Well court*knee I have the pamphlet right over here…
John – Are we actually having a conversation about smoking used tampons?
I am so glad there is someone out there as silly as me.
*nods* Really amazes me the depths of what a guy'd do when it comes to Pepperidge Farms being mentioned. lol
It's all court*knee's fault! rotf
Reusable tampons!!! HAHAHA
where do you come up with this?
just stopping by to let you know i have an award for you on my blog.
http://wannabeworkathomemommy.blogspot.com
And you reckon I out-grossed you in my last post? Hm.
I guess Frisco Texas is not EXACTLY like San Francisco after all. Tofu is considered un-patriotic here. And nobody here would think twice about eating a bag or two of cookies. or three. or four.
Sophia's Mom – Thanks!
I love awards. Let me guess, I've been awarded creepiest blogger? Or how about sexiest blogger?
Or how about blogger who makes you throw up just a little bit?
I'll take anything. Will stop by your site..
Yes Fran.
I DETEST feet and you actually wrote about toe nail clippings in your latest post. For me that's worse than tampons thank you very much.
My curiosity got the better of me and I did a Google search. Still not exactly sure how it works, but I'm no exactly sure I want to know.
No fair John! I asked a valid question…I take no responsiblity for where your mind went. Although I wish I could take credit for the "wash and wear" part.
Well Lesley I bet if I deep fried that tofu and sprinkled cookies on top with a dollop of whipped cream (no, I better make that 1 gallon of whipped cream because we all know that EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas, right?) I bet you guys would totally eat it.
OH NO YOU DIDN"T CORT*KNEE!
I just searched too. Gross!
BUT. You can use sea sponges. Or perhaps a menstrual cup. Ummm. No thanks.
Playtex all the way.
OMG, I love those things. Didn't they used to have a raspberry version?
Guy plagued by debilitating temptations decides to fight the Devil head-on, does a google search to learn about his enemy, comes to this post, goes out and buys bag of mint milano cookies, eats the whole thing, forgets his troubles – another public service from Brilliant Sulk.
Oohh raspberry & chocolate Sparrowflew? Please don't tempt me. My weakness has always been chocolate & mint.
Give me a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream and it's gone in a flash.
Anytime Mark. Anytime….