Ah, city living. It’s utterly fantastic if you like culture, great food, loud noises at all hours of the night, putrid smells and people who park in front of your driveway.
I was in a hurry the other morning and have the rare luxury of owning a garage in which to park my purple dune buggy. But on this particular morning I had to deal with an incredibly lazy person using MY driveway as their very own. Needless to say I was furious.
So when the owner of the car, a guy who I’ll call “Mr. Super Gruesome Simpleton” eventually approached his sweet ride (a new Volkswagen Beetle. Not the most masculine choice of vehicle if you ask me) He glanced at me, clearly saw the smoke coming out of my ears and made no apologies for inconveniencing me. My high colonic was going to have to wait. Damn it.
Then it happened. These very words came out of my mouth…
“Dude, you’re blocking my driveway!”
Huh? Did you just read that? I said DUDE. Out loud. In public. To another human being. I even felt a little sick as the words were leaving my mouth. Sick. Just like the time I had that incredibly rich and delicious lobster bisque for dinner, chased it with a chocolate marshmallow milkshake, then had rough sex.
What came over me? Surely “Sir” or “Mr. Creeptastic” would have sufficed (He looked exactly like the lead singer of the 90′s super icky band Korn) “Dude” just somehow seemed appropriate for the situation. I’ve heard my husband use this word only on very rare occasions and my dog has uttered it once or twice with his bros up at the park. But me? Nope.
So I’ve decided to embrace my new, expanded vocabulary and use the word “dude” whenever possible. Some examples…
“Dude, stop smothering your sister with the cat!”
“Hey dude, you look so HOT. Plaid shirt and a sparkly thong? Yum.”
“Dude, please tell me that refreshingly warm lemonade I just drank wasn’t your urine sample.”
“Mr. police officer dude, I was NOT driving in reverse on that sidewalk while flossing my teeth.”
“Dude, trust me. Leeches are a perfectly acceptable substitute for the Swine Flu vaccine.”
24 Comments
Using "dude" was probably a good choice – kinda hip, not too confrontational. I likely would have used "shit for brains" and ended up getting my teeth kicked in.
I think I could have taken this "dude."
I was angry and my bowels REALLY needed that colonic….
never thought i would live to see the day when i would read a blog that referenced a colonic and the big lebowski in the same post.
you just took this blog to the next level!
maybe 'dude' was not the appropriate term, after all, he was driving a beetle. duderina = female dude?
Hahahah, Dude, you just said Dude. I'm having flash backs to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure!
Nice to meet you. Saw you on the mombloggersclub and thought I'd visit.
Ah yes, Sophia's Mom. I am so very cultured….
I LOVE duderina. I'll try and work it into my next conversation with the teacher at my daughter's school.
Thanks for stopping by Chef Eureka. You know, I've never seen Bill and Ted. Maybe it's time I do.
Welcome to my husband's vocabulary. We use 'dude' on a daily basis, mostly to our 5-year old son, as in: "Dude, come on, hurry it up and get dressed or I am totally going to freak out on you." Said this morning, by me, I swear.
Oh no…I feel your pain. I have, for some unknown reason, started calling my daughter dude. I just can't help myself! I try so hard to stop and it just comes out!
I love city living. I lived in downtown Boston for a few years and loved the noise. Sirens, fights, anything. It became comforting.
Mountain Momma – Guess your son is technically a "dude" so I think that's okay. As long as you don't sub his real name for "Dude."
LZ – Okay, a daughter should NOT be called "Dude" How about "Sweet Little Princess Honey Bee" OR "My Lovely Flower Sunshine Rainbow Sweetheart?"
Oh Boston is great. I love Boston. All cities are noisy. Unless you're hard of hearing.
I would have issues and had to stand down to reconsider my position.
You…a purple VW Dune Dude Buggy…Mr. SGS…wannabe four wheeler in the wrong place and wrong time.
Obviously on different functioning levels. Sorry, my first car was a 60's yellow VW classic, my second was a 70's Super Beetle. These 'things' nowadays…sheesh, I just referred to them as 'Things'.
Hey Dude, that's funny.
Hope you clobbered him?
haha, I think 'dude' was the acceptable term in this situation. What was he thinking?!
Thanks for visiting my blog. I was just having a browse around yours and I love it. Its soooooo funny. I love your sense of humor
John – Ah, the Super Beetle. When I was a kid we had a regular old Bug. I envied those who drove the fancier versions of our little car, which thankfully was put out of its misery by a huge tree during a hurricane.
Never fancied the "Thing"
Yes Friko, he'll never park in my driveway again. (In my post I did not divulge the venomous words I spewed at Sir Creepy)
Madeleine – Thanks for visiting. Guess I took one look at him and thought he could totally relate to "Dude"
Heavenly Housewife – Thanks, your blog is very funny…
Wow, you pulled off "dude" huh? Dude is confrontational in a nonconfrontational way. It has its purpose. Probably a good alternative to *%&#@*.
Oh mu Gosh you are brilliant!!
I started checking out blog around 1 am . I think I tried to post comment but I could have dreamt it too. One of those weeks
Kiwi' unite!! Woo hoo!
I am a fan for life. one- you live in my city-our city the best place on earth and two you are f-ing hilarious and finally you are anti- mommy bloggy. Gag…I am throwing a little blog love towards you tomorrw on my post.
Love and hang on through this heat wave!
Love it! I tend to use the word on random occasions and it strikes me as weird every time!
Thanks Laurel glad I made you laugh! Will stop by your site once again…
I've never met another person with a Kiwi before.
I know Andrea Dude.
There, I said it AGAIN.
Ha, its sounds like you are turning into the classic surfer.
You know you really are in trouble when you start saying 'far out'
Well Brad, since I'm frightened of the ocean surfing is out for me.
But since I live a few blocks from Haight Street and I hear "far out dude" far too much!
Dude, is like the word f*ck. You can use it so many ways…
Thanks for your comments on my blog. Updating my reader so I can keep reciptricating on yours.
Duuuuuuddddddddddddeeeeeeeee.