Mango has been limping around for a few weeks now. I know, I know. I’m a neglectful dog owner. So each night before bed I would think about every possible reason for this limp. Giant cancerous tumor, flesh eating worms, poisonous crocodile bite, allergic reaction to his daily banana martini. Today I finally broke down and took him to the vet, which always results in the depletion of my bank account. Turns out he’s cancer free but has torn a ligament in his knee. Who knew dogs had knees?
So poor Mr. Mango is limited to walks on the leash and no running for ten whole days. He didn’t take the news well. After throwing his boiling hot chai tea at me, he broke down into a big bawling mess. I quickly handed him a tissue so the other dogs at the park wouldn’t see him crying. Or that his eyeliner was dripping down his snout. I know how proud he is.
If he doesn’t get better, our last option is surgery. A surgery that will cost FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.
This surgery involves sawing his leg in half, inserting a metal plate and 90,000 screws. Perhaps I should have taken that shop class in high school. I could do it myself. I have butchered a few hundred legs of lamb over the years, so how hard could a dog leg be?
Does he really need four legs? He has three other good ones. Hmm. What about amputation? Of course the doctor hasn’t even suggested this, but oh, I’m thinking about it. Because, well you know, FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.
It’s not like I don’t have other responsibilities: Giant mortgage payment, kids school tuition, salami of the month club, Mr. Brilliant Sulk’s penis reduction surgery, my quest to scour the earth for Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. Etc, etc…
So please, light a lovely scented candle for Mango (anything but vanilla) think happy thoughts and pray to the Dog Leg Gods that he gets better, otherwise I have a feeling the next time you see him he’ll be down a leg.
22 Comments
And here I was all ramped up with a bucket of hate mail for you and you had to go ahead and write about your DOG! Way to reach out and pinch a nerve! The Bluedog hurts his knees all the time – a few days off and Mango will be a new man (even with the eye-liner).. Blue also takes Cosequin which is an investment, but no where near $4000. Our vet once tried (and failed) to sell us on a $6000 MRI.
PS. You suck.
Ry Sal – You suck?
Thank you for brightening my morning!!
Yes, I'm hoping Mango fully recovers so I continue to provide healthy meals of caviar and root beer to my children.
Oh no! Poor Mango! I hope he heals quickly and in a way that doesn't cost you $4K! Amazing how much it all costs. Yeesh! Hugs to Mango from my menagerie of animals.
I hope Mango has a speedy recovery!
You should look into the Humane Society. We stopped taking Coco to the vet years ago. I don't pay that much on my medical bills, I can't afford to do it for a cat. Even though I love her and she is my first born.
We have been taking her to the Humane Society for a few years now and are very satisfied with their services.
Oh my God- you are funny girl. My friend's cat just showed up after 3 weeks missing with two badly injured legs-she is considering a little cart.
Kidding.
Sort of.
Have fun weekend funny girl.
You are a greatdrug.
kiss kiss mango. i have bad knees, too, buddy…
kelly
http://tearinguphouses.blogspot.com
a daily banana martini? You could save hundreds not giving him these, not to mention the effort of wiping up the leavings of his gin induced burpings.
If you saw his leg off you could attach a little wheelie thing to the stump, you'd hardly notice the difference.
Benno sends his love and reminds you that the Loch Ness Monster has been found; it's sitting on the bottom of the London Aquarium and is being fed with the sawn-off limbs of dogs. (Benno keeps well away from there)
Maybe you could let Blue Cross know that – surprise surprise! – you just gave birth to a bouncing baby boy named Mango who unfortunately was born with a torn ligament in his knee. Bundle him up in a blue blanket and off you go to the hospital! If Blue Cross will pay, the surgeon probably won't mind. Just an idea. Always trying to help.
Thanks Andrea – I'll tell Mango you wish him well.
Sophia's Mom – I would love to be able to take him to the Humane Society but I love my vet, she's great and usually cuts me a break. His treatment would have to be done by an orthopedic surgeon and they just TELL you how much it'll be. It sucks.
see – now I've felt guilty all day for telling you that you suck.
I never comment on people's posts about their pets.
Never.
Damn you.
You must be good to your dog because you care that he can't run for ten whole days. I'm glad to hear that. I know people who don't seem to care that their dogs never run. (and damn you.)
Laurel – That's sad and funny at the same time. I've seen dogs in carts but not cats.
Thanks Kelly
Friko – I don't know what to say to your comment because I'm laughing so hard.
Leslie – As I was reading this I actually pictured myself doing this…
Thanks for the laugh, as always.
Ry Sal – Good.
Ah ha! I have sucked you into the dark side Mark!
Don't see the point in having a dog if you can't let them run and fun (it's actually an excuse for me to get out of the house for awhile so I don't have to deal with my rotten kids whom I never walk)
Actually, I was going to comment on Mark's comment about not commenting on people who write about their pets, but then I remembered that I don't comment on people who won't comment on people who write about their pets.
No comment Fran.
ahhh shoot only vanilla!
Yikes, that is crazy expensive! Fingers crossed for you that some time and healing is all he needs! Poor pup!
oh, poor pooch! I can relate. We have a cat who has a bad eye (not in pain, just looks disgusting), and it is $100 just for his eye drops, not to mention the cost of the vet visit and the guilt I feel about not having his teeth professionally cleaned. $700 for cat dental cleaning? No effing way.
I would struggle with the leg, too. Good luck deciding…
Yikes, $100 for drops?
Think I could deal with a disgusting looking eye with a tiny kitty eye patch over that sucker.