Is anyone else as sick of all this Halloween crap as I am? Maybe it’s because I have kids. And with the enormous burden, or joy (depends on how you look at it) children bring, come the parties, the mountains of sugary candy, the fake furry spiders, the rotting corpses in the padlocked freezer in the rented storage unit in a neighboring town miles and miles away. Did I just write that out loud?
Oh, and the crappy costumes. Those costumes are the pits. Uh, no thanks, my three year old doesn’t want to dress as a zombie-whore-pumpkin, complete with torn fishnet stockings, blood spattered machete, and shriveled brown stem. Therefore I have decided that next year we’ll make our own costumes. Yes, I’m going to be THAT mom. But it’s fun. I always had fantastic home made costumes as a kid thanks to my talented grandfather. One year I went as a giant can of Campbell’s eye of newt soup. It was quite a hit.
I’ve also decided that this year I’ll give out miniature sausages and bible verses to the trick- or-treaters. That’ll teach them not to ring my doorbell after 6pm. Who do they think they are?
So I’m done. Saturday can’t come soon enough. Then you know what? On November 1st the world will be counting down the days until CHRISTMAS.
Fantastic.
13 Comments
I just had my mother-in-law tell me that I simply CANNOT put my son in his skeleton pjs as a costume. Dammit… didn't know I had to THINK BIG for a 2 yr. old. Wasn't Christmas last week?
my mom was THAT mom. which means that i was a preschooler who ended up stranded horizontally for nearly an hour in the CareBear costume that she repurposed from my brother's Ewok getup (which she sewed from scratch) from the year before. why i laying on the ground traumatized for so long? because she'd stuffed FIVE full size pillows inside the thing to make me "plump", which meant i could barely move. or stand up.
don't be THAT mom.
I'd love to see you recreate the Campbell's soup can. It'd be pretty cool.
I guess I'd be right to think the title of this post is ironic, then?
Awe!Hi sweets!! I am sort of that mom. I did make kids costumes in a Sandra lee sort of way:) I posted today:)
I miss living in the city. Everytime I read your fab blog I realize I could have done the kid thing in the city and no need to move to suburban hell.
now hold on ….today while I was shopping at safeway I was treated to Elvis singing silent night.
Now that was scary:) happy Halloween
Ahhh that's ok:) great job on getting guest piece!!
xxoo
Ryan – A two year old can wear ANYTHING on Halloween. I wrapped my 19 month old in tin foil and sent her out as a baked potato.
Oh Kelly. Sounds awful. I like to opt for more "realistic" costumes. A child drenched in pigs blood always does the trick. SCARY.
Christine – I think I'll try to re create that one next year…
Yes Fran. I think I was trying to be ironic. I was drunk when I wrote the post, so….
Well Laurel – Sometimes I wish I lived in the suburbs. Guess the grass is always greener!
I hate Halloween! Because I'm boring and lazy.
I pretended to be out last night when 21 year-old trick or treaters rang my doorbell at 9pm!
But I'll get them next year! Because I'm going to buy a fake shotgun (or a real one, who knows…) and point it at their faces when I open the door@
HAppy Halloween!!!!
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
Isn't that annoying Sophia's Mom? Anyone with pubic hair should NOT be allowed to trick or treat.
Thankfully, when my doorbell rings our dog sounds extremely vicious, even though he's missing most of his teeth.
Stumbled over your blog! A great read. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by malin2!
Wait, where do you live? You can keep the Bible verses, but save me some sausages.