So from what I’ve been reading on this silly thing I’m addicted to called the Internet, today is the kickoff of some goofy bloggy thing called “National Blog Posting Month.” I guess if you live outside the United States then, fuck off? Hmm. I’ll check the rules. Anyway, this was created by a blogger with waaaay too much time on her hands. One post every day for the entire month of November.
Will I participate? Um, I can confidently say “no.” First of all, I can barely get a free moment because I work full time. (Well, sort of full time. I’m pretty lazy so let’s just pretend I work full time, okay?) Yes, we all have responsibilities and I for one must pay for my man servant Jacques. Every evening he draws my almond milk bath, slathers the finest lavender lotions imported from France (or in the off season, Brooklyn) on my supple buttocks, swaddles me in a cashmere blanket and rocks me to sleep like a little baby. Did that just sound as creepy as I thought it did? Okay, disregard Jacques.
Let’s begin again. I must work to pay for my addiction to carrot juice and chocolate chip muffins. Which do not come cheap. Therefore I don’t have the time to write a watered down post every day because I’m busy eating and drinking. And running to the bathroom. Do you really want me to scrape the bottom of the blogging barrel?
Do you want to hear about how sleep deprived I am? Every night I lie next to a man who has nightmares about spiders. EVERY NIGHT. I didn’t think so.
Do you want me to write a humorous post about the enormous pimple I’ve had above my ear for over a month? I know, stop fiddling with it.
Oh no, I don’t want to torture you, dear readers, with preposterous posts about what I had for breakfast (an avocado sandwich with whole grain mustard) or the latest book my three year old has just read (starts with “war” ends in “peace”) No, I’ll spare you.
But, if you’re willing to compensate me….
Yes, I will write a blog post every day and do it very, very well. But until you come up gallons of freshly squeezed organic carrot juice and a pile of muffins I’ll be blogging once, twice or if you’re really lucky three times a week.
26 Comments
My sentiments exactly when I heard about this
Have you heard? It's World 30 Muffins in 30 Days month.
Maybe you could just post a picture of Jacques every day. That might get you some new followers too!
LMAO, I love the comment "I guess if you live outside the United States then, fuck off?" OMG, that was too funny!
Does Jacques have a brother?
This was this first I had heard of it, but for most of us who work, whether it be full or part time, and have families that we takes care of, it's soo unrealistic to think we all would have that much free time on our hands in addition to the things that are REALLY important.
let's take them out back and bet the shit out of them.
Maybe you can take a picture of that enormous pimple above your ear and send it to the person who started this bloggy thing. LOL!
I am doing BloJoMoJo or whatever the acronym for blogging every day for a month is. I have no idea why, other than I am masochistic and like setting myself up for failure: a certain outcome.
LOVE. YOUR. BLOG.
Oh Widge, you mean you can't come up with one post per day about the contents of your garbage can or something?
Fran – I'm going to be in BIG trouble if that's the case. My ass will look like a gigantic muffin. No one likes a muffin ass.
Oh Lesley, Jacques is very camera shy. He had a bad experience with the paparazzi last year while in Spain. He was photographed doing nude jumping jacks..
Reener – Jacques has a gay brother. You can try to talk him into switching teams if you'd like.
He likes to hang out at the local pub, Cock and Balls.
Robin and Ryan – I think between the two of you, you could totally take on these blog geeks…You guys are tough.
Oh my gosh Christine. You DO NOT want to see my giant pimple. It's getting bigger. And it's making demands now. Pillows, cell phones, potato chips, hookers….
Well marymac, had I known it was called blojomojo I would have signed on!
Thanks for stopping by…
Helloooooo ! God- I love your humor:)
I could do a blog a day but why? So I can add a little more pressure to my self imposed pressure cooker? I am already cutting back-the minute blogging feels like anything but fun-I am out.
Have a happy day sweet sf girlie.
My comment is totally unrelated to your post because I am not even going to dignify such a crazy idea of 30 posts in 30 days with a response.
You should come to Blogher!!! You can crash on my couch but only if you make me egg rolls and bring my cat Coco a pack of cigs… Whatta say?
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
Thanks Laurel, you're always so nice…
If someone wants to pay me to write everyday I think I could do it (okay, I could totally do it) But I have this blog because I love to write, no pressure here.
Yes, Sophia's Mom, I think I'm going. I'll send you a list of my requests (8,000 thread count sheets, freshly squeezed O.J. in the a.m. and a massage by a sexy Scandinavian man)
I will NOT bring your cat cigarettes. Vodka, yes.
Have not heard about this rather dubious initiative. No five is my limit per week, I'm sure everyone is dying for a break from endless pictures (I'm writing challenged) .. so I kindly give them the weekend off, cause I'm nice.
Love the Fuck off if not in the States … classic.
xxx
ps re comment. I think those shoes would be ideal to clean the toots in.
Dustjacket Attic- Wow, I wish I could do 5 a week. I'm trying, I'm trying.
Perhaps those gorgeous shoes are in my future…
What's up funny?
I looked it up and you can participate if you are from other nations.
I don't want to post every day. I want to post when I feel like it because I'm the boss of my blog.
Excellent Unknown Mami! Other nations… Go un-fuck yourselves!!!
Followed you over here from MBC. Come on, I really want to read more about your buttocks getting creamed by Jacques…you were really going somewhere with that.
Just kidding! I agree, blogging thirty days in a row could either be completely dull or it could get your writing to a place you never knew it could reach.
I'll stick with my twice a week.
Nuts. It's just nuts. Not to mention the dorky name: NaBloPoMo. When I first read that I wasn't sure if it was some crazy sex act I would have to look up on urban dictionary, or a new kind of flu.
Seriously: who has the time? Not to mention: who thinks they are interesting enough o have something to write about every single day for a month? Pffft.
I tried and I failed to do this. I wanted to give it a shot because I feel like I needed something to light a fire under my ass to write more often. But, grabbing funny pictures from failblog and posting them doesn't really count as writing every day. I guess I cheated. And then I quit.
Well LZ you gave it a damn good try! I'm sitting here right now trying to come up with something witty to write. Haven't posted in like 5 days. I feel witless…