The chickenpox. The god damned chickenpox.
It’s invaded my husband. Just the other day he was a handsome specimen, heading off to work, attending his weekly ninja knitting group and perfecting his special fruit cake recipe. Today he looks like a red, oozing, bumpy, scaly, itchy lizard man. Far too grotesque to look at. He’s required to don a brown paper bag any time he is in my line of vision. Yes, yes, I’ve allowed him one tiny hole for breathing. But I’ve been sleeping in the guest room. I draw the line at sleeping with lizard men.
As usual, I had prepared far too much food for turkey day. And invited far too many people. The Pox arrived the evening before, around 8 pm. How do you disinvite people to dinner at the last minute? Here’s what I said when I called everybody at 10 pm Wednesday night “Um, hey, can you come over a little early tomorrow? Yes, bring that lovely bottle of Syrah. We’re going to need it. But right before dinner I need you to help me pop some of Mr. Brilliant Sulk’s puss filled open sores. Okay?” That worked. Nobody showed up on Thursday.
I’m uncertain if I’ve ever had the chickenpox. My mother doesn’t remember. I think she was drunk for the first 10 years of my life. I’m kidding Mom.
29 Comments
Oooh, that sucks! I really do feel your pain here. An I guess your husband should get a little sympathy. We spent our summer holiday with the pox, though that was an provement over last Xmas – 3 out of 4 of us with gastric flu
I feel sorry for your poor hubby – getting it as an adult is so much more horrible than as a child. Fingers crossed that you don't catch it!
Oh no! I REALLY hope you don't get it! I had it as an adult and it was not fun at all.
At least you won't have to cook for a few days…is that a plus?
Hoo boy, that's not good. I hope Lizard Man recovers quickly – for his sake AND yours!
That's awful! I hope you don't get the chicken pox.
I am now going to go toss my leftover turkey as I don't think I'll be able to look at it without thinking about puss-filled sores. My even expanding ass thanks you.
Yikes! That's awful. Quarentine the man!!
LIZARD MAN UPDATE: Okay, I take back all of the awful crap I mentioned above. He's in the hospital.
Should be okay. Keep your fingers crossed everybody.
Dad Who Writes – I would totally take the gastric flu over the pox. The flu sounds absolutely LOVELY right about now…
pixielation & LZ – EVERY time I scratch my heart skips a beat. Do I have it? Do I have it? No, just a plain old itch..
Thanks Lesley and Christine. I'd hate the thought of my lovely skin turning into one giant open sore. Blech.
I'm so glad this post made a difference in your life BugginWord!
oh no. that DOES suck
well.
at least you didn't spend a month living in a hotel with 4 dogs and a husband only to spend thanksgiving FINALLY moving into your new house that you had to move BACK OUT OF 24 hours later because said 4 dogs were completely, SEVERELY infested with fleas.
yup. *points to self*
happy thanksgiving.
kelly
Awe Sweetie Pie! How selfish of him! Ruining your fancy dinner. Ugh-how do you put up with that. Maybe he could move in with my Handsome husband (remember he selfishly ruined our wedding anniversery with food poisening) These guys. I will send over aveeno straight away!
Hugs…from a far….way far.
I'd hate turkey too if my hubby came down with chicken pox (He's a big wuss) and I'd never hear the end of it.
Hope everyone is on the mend soon!
If you'd had it, I think you'd remember it. Hope ya'll get better soon.
I had an ex who got it in his late twenties and he wouldn't let me see him because he was so ugly…well he stayed that way! Stayed ugly probably still is an ugly fucker.
Fluffy Bear and I both had chicken pox as adults and IT SUCKS. I have never experienced such pain.
Fluffy Bear managed to get some Acyclovir in time for him to have much milder symptoms and heal quicker but I took 3 weeks off work, back when I was being paid by the hour.
And we got it from a brat whose mother WAS A NURSE and when we told her neither of us had had the disease as a child she said we'd be ok instead of packing her sick little brat off to her bedroom.
It fucked up our vacation in the wine country and I had to fly 9 hours on a plane sick as a dog and with pustules on my face and….
yeah, I'm still bitter.
I hope your husband is ok soon.
Oh, that's no good. I've heard that it hits adults hardest. I hope he get over it soon and I hope that you had it when you were little so you don't have to deal with it.
Oh no! Poor hubby must be miserable. And they say it's worse to get it as an adult. And I've never had to wish a pox on someone's childhood before but, in your case…
Lesley was so right! I love your blog. Really hope though you don't get the chicken pox. :/ If that had been my call I'd said something like…. "Ok so dinner's gonna be great as long as ya'll dont mind a little puss filled bumps in a week or two. K?
"
Oh yeah, I'm from TX btw. Just in case the ya'll didn't tip ya off. lol
Oh, how horrible! I had chicken pox when I was 22 years old and it was no fun! I love your writing style, btw!
Checking in a little late in the game due to travels….This whole thing is making me itch. Tell Mr. Miller to Knock this shit off toot sweet… really cramping your style–not to mention mine, because its all about me and there's no POX in la la land. hugs.
Aww, i hope you don't and won't get it!
So sorry the Pox invaded your house! that's one yucky thing to get.
I've had the chicken pox.
It sucks ass.
It invaded my life when I was in the 7th grade. I still remember the oatmeal baths and the topical cream.
You should have just had everyone over and drank the Syrah while sitting in a hot tub of oatmeal. No one would have noticed the oozing.
Oh man. I am so sorry to hear that. I hope he is close to 100% recovery now. It IS worse when you get it as an adult. (Sorry. That's not helping, is it?…) Think of it this way: at least it is not shingles. Yikes. That would have been 100 times worse. (Is that helping? A bit maybe?…) I suck at this. Sorry. I would give you a hug but I am worried that you may be contagious. LOL. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you won't get it. But if you do, please post a picture of the puss. The biggest one.
Thought I had commented before… I was wrong!
just checking in to see if your husband built a tent from sheets in your bedroom where he can scratch in peace (that's what i did when i had the pox).
Also, did I win the scallop or not? I'm planning to serve it on Christmas!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all of your hilarious and nice comments!!!