I happen to live two blocks away from one of the most beautiful parks in San Francisco. With just a quick walk up a steep incline roughly the size of the Matterhorn I can take in the stunning views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the Marin Headlands. The hills are dotted with fragrant eucalyptus trees, colorful wildflowers and mountains upon mountains of dog crap. From this mini oasis I can escape the sights and sounds of the city and clear my mind without any distractions.
Except for the two dudes blowing one another in a patch of daisies. In broad daylight.
It was a sight that has been burned into my brain.
Eternally.
No need to rent that gay porn movie now. I know what it looks like, thank you very much.
I don’t think I would ever see that same scenario with two women, right? Right? Oh my gosh, I hope not. That would be like 1,000 times more disturbing.
stopthinkingaboutit-stopthinkingaboutit-stopthinkingaboutit
On that bright and sunny morning I was walking my dog Mango and I suppose I sort of accidentally on purpose startled the two love birds by calling his name at the top of my lungs “MANGO, WHERE ARE YOU???!!!” (he was standing four feet away from me) It was, after all, 9am. Way past appropriate blow job hour if you ask me. They quickly scampered off into the bushes. Deflated.
This park is supposed to be my oasis but the rest of San Francisco believes it is their bedroom, toilet, religious altar, a place to milk goats, conference room, tattoo parlor, dance club, dental office, cat grooming facility, or a coffee house in which to read crappy poetry nobody wants to hear.
I could go on…
Next time I go for a walk I’ll be wearing a blindfold.
40 Comments
Does Mango play fetch? (PS stellar dog name.) You could totally lob a ball at the boys playing with balls and just have a confusing ball-stravaganza mess.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Assuming We Don’t Count Fictional Vampires =-.
Mango thanks you for the compliment. He agrees that it is an awesome name.
Will make a note to bring big giant furry balls to play fetch with next time…
Ah, San Francisco. Your last paragraph not only describes most parks, but also the library.
.-= elizabeth´s last blog ..A Sunday hodgepodge =-.
Oh my gosh. The library!
Thank you for ruining the last place in the city I thought was sex free.
On my drive to Florida over the holidays I almost got rear-ended by a chick driving a beat up Honda going much over 80m/h (how do I know? Because I was also going muchover 80m/h).
I had to hit my brakes because the guy in front of me hit his.
To my shock I saw a head pop up from her lap in my rear-view mirror…made me understand a bit better why she’d been constantly driving up fast and then slowing down……
But, she was obviously a whore – unlike the two dudes you encountered in your park
.-= Lagunatic´s last blog ..And the SATIRIST award goes to: =-.
Yes, blow jobs in cars are waaay tackier than blow jobs in a field of flowers. She was a whore!
Whenever I see a driver swerving or driving erratically I wonder if the dude (yes, most men drive like turds) is getting a blow job.
Now what do you think that says about me?
Promise you’ll blog about it when you come across the goat milkers.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Reasons why one should live in a detached house if one thinks one might be misunderstood =-.
Yes Fran, you will be the first to receive the official goat milker photos. They DO exist you know, not just some urban legend…
9am! ….. in the morning!!!?! ….. crikey
.-= Daddy Papersurfer´s last blog ..RECIPE 1 =-.
Yes, 9am! Far too early for me to see strange men fooling with their “junk.”
But really, is there ever an appropriate time for that?
9:15 to 9:17 am …….
.-= Daddy Papersurfer´s last blog ..TIME IS WAITING IN THE WINGS =-.
Damn, I am so glad that I discovered your blog. It helps me to realize that I am not the only one who thinks that we live in the land of the freaks here in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Question for you: If 9 am is not appropriate blow job time, then what is? Consider your response carefully and get back to me when you can.
.-= Mayhem and Moxie´s last blog ..A Hedonist’s Guide to New Year’s Resolutions =-.
I know, San Francisco is FULL of freaks. Seems to be getting worse. Where do they come from?
And appropriate blow job time? Well, uh…..
Instead of a blindfold, you could start training Mango to sic (naked) balls at the park.
.-= Andrea´s last blog .."Big balls" =-.
Wow! In broad daylight? They were that excited? Bwahaha
.-= jing lejano´s last blog ..The Things We Do =-.
I know, some folks just can’t seem to keep in their pants.
sweet jesus
I really can’t come up with anything better
.-= laura´s last blog ..Vegetarian Cabbage Rolls =-.
Next time you’re in S.F. I’ll take you for a walk up there, okay?
What? Gays in San Francisco? I don’t believe it. Mountains of crap in San Francisco? Yer tellin some tall tales girl.
.-= Mark Kerstetter´s last blog ..Beckett’s Doubles =-.
Hard to believe isn’t it? Gays, poop…
Next I’ll be telling you the city is full of stinky hippies, liberals and Victorian homes.
Holy Crap- I hope it wasn’t my son :0
Kidding…um ok sort of … wait no he’s at work!!, That was a little too revealing. Sorry. Bwahaha!
Ha! I didn’t catch a glimpse of his face if you know what I mean…
that sucks;)
you will never be able to unsee that, you know.
I know, sucks for me and Mango. He’s still asking questions…
Bert and I sincerely apologize for our behavior that morning.
I thought the two of you looked familiar.
In a very creepy, puppety sort of way…
We have a park like that here in Dallas too…
Oh…and it’s right next to the Children’s hospital.
Okay, that’s just gross.
You do know what dogs like to do, don’t you? Yes that is right. They like to sniff butts. They also like to lick assholes. So…you know what I would have done!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..I Love Your Blog…the Chick Edition. =-.
I know that’s exactly what you would have done!
I on the other hand wouldn’t have wanted Mango to lick my face after the fact…
Do you live near the Presidio? Its one of my favorite places in the whole wide world — or used to be until you wrote this post. Now every time I think of walking through all those eucalyptus trees, I’m gonna thing of those two lovebirds. YUK!
.-= Zen Mom´s last blog ..When Did I Get So Old? =-.
No, it’s Buena Vista Park. But I’m very sure the Presidio gets it fair share of couples looking for a place to have some “sexy time”
Ew. two people having sex in my favorite park would ruin it for me, too.
I love that area of SF!!
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Outfit of the Week: coffee with the expats =-.
Oh yuck. We have not yet had the pleasure, but have heard your tale from many. Though we did find a used condom at our local playground, yay! It’s too bad people don’t realize that kind of stuff should really be kept at home. Or at least out of freaking sight.
.-= Beth in SF´s last blog ..New Year, New Food =-.
you know. you do LIVE in the world of love. free love. free love in daisies. they sung about it once in a song.
.-= Ry Sal´s last blog ..This is Food, Take it Seriously. =-.
I know, I know. This is San Francisco, guess I should get used to it. BUT I CAN’T. Nude people just ruin my day.
given the nature of the post, the photo of the cactus keeps making me wince.
.-= pixielation´s last blog ..Rubbers bands can fix ANYTHING. =-.
Yes, first thing I thought when I saw this lovely cactus on my neighbor’s steps!
Ugh! This has happened to me too. I have to say I prefer that to stumbling over someone shooting up though.
Really dig your blog!
XXX
.-= kim´s last blog ..i like danger =-.