It was one of THOSE weeks. Oh you know the kind…
The kind of week in which you throw a magic marker at your husband. It missed. For the record he totally deserved it.
The kind of week in which you go to drop off your daughter at her new preschool but you can’t button your cargo pants due to extreme bloating caused by a most atrocious round of PMS. Not the best look in the world.
“Hi, my name is Amanda and this is my lovely daughter Reese. Huh, what? Oh that? Yes, that’s my vag. Couldn’t button my pants today. Or yesterday. Tomorrow should be fine though, I promise. It’s nice though, isn’t it?”
It was the kind of week in which you contemplate shutting down your blog because really, why bother? The amount of time and effort you put into it is ridiculous. You could have cured trench mouth by now. Is there a cure for trench mouth yet? Well if not curing something, you could be watching another superb episode of The Real Housewives of New York City.
The kind of week in which your cat jumps onto your lap while you drink a glass of Syrah, spilling it all over your linen sofa. Who was the idiot who decided to buy a linen sofa?
The kind of week in which you eat seven pieces of birthday cake because your daughters had a birthday. On the SAME day. And if you don’t come home with two cakes your life will suck for the rest of the year.
The kind of week in which you go to a club to see a band and realize just how annoying people are. Especially the dancing lunatic standing next to you who keeps elbowing your face. This whirling dervish happens to look and dress exactly like Miranda from Sex and the City circa 1999. If Miranda had a brain damaged twin sister that is.
It was also the kind of week in which you have a dream that George Clooney is your boyfriend. Not completely ridiculous. Wonder if he likes kids. And three legged dogs. And women who throw magic markers.
I’m a little bit afraid of what next week will bring…
53 Comments
At least George Clooney put a little uptick at the end of it. Nice to meet someone else who admits to a daily portion of 7 pieces of cake.
George was the highlight of my week. Sadly, as I reached for the eighth piece of cake it dropped to the floor. Guess I didn’t need an eighth piece after all…
Oh yeah, I had that a few weeks ago. That week I polished off Pizza Hut pizza, McDonald’s cheeseburgers, two bottles of wine and everything my super picky toddler didn’t want to eat. And then the following week I wondered why I felt so fat and had one pair of pants that fit. And the husband? We have no money because he got it into his head he had to run the PARIS marathon. In PARIS FRANCE. Even though I got laid off 5 months ago and have yet to procure employment. Let’s just say…things are tight.
.-= Beth in SF´s last blog ..Super Easy Amazingly Dee-lish Pizza =-.
My gosh, why didn’t I think of that! I’ve been DYING to get back to Paris but can’t justify spending a crapload of money on a plane ticket when I have a mortgage to pay and kids to send to preschool in an overpriced city. But if it’s all in the name of health…
I’m going to give up cake and start running again.
I’m going to Paris! I’m going to Paris!
You and me are like twins. It’s probably why we are never seen together. I am hiding in my closet today for fear if I step out I am going to burst into flames.
I knew we were the same person…
Amanda, dahling, no one gives a fuck about a cure for trench mouth. However, I have already instructed my attorneys to come to your blog for my funeral instructions, therefore, your blog is a must! Please beware of this the next time you have such silly thoughts running through your head. Simply find chocolate and breathe. Stop the blog. The. Hell. You. Say. As for the marker, at least it wasn’t a knife.
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Chasing and Torturing the Elusive V…….. =-.
My options at the time were a magic marker or some Play-Doh. I thought the marker might have been able to take an eye out or snag the groin area. I hit the dishwasher…
Comment Luv is really not full of love lately for me. I am renaming it comment loathe.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Whats Your Pleasure? High Class or High Hair? =-.
Further unpleasant people at gigs, you really ought to check out Rol’d post – http://rolhirst.blogspot.com/2010/03/bad-gig-behaviour.html.
For some reason, we thought it would be a good idea to have light oatmeal coloured carpets. Uh-huh.
That post was great – it was spot on!
Best of luck with your oatmeal carpets, I can only imagine.
It helps any, I think your vag is very funny. That probably doesn’t help.
.-= Homemaker Man´s last blog ..This conversation is being recorded . . . =-.
My vag can be funny once it’s had a couple of drinks…
Have written to George to point out that, should he feel like proposing, I would NOT throw magic markers at him.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Another adapted fairy tale from Miss’s pen – Jack and the Beans Talk =-.
Damn you Fran. I’m certain George would choose you over me.
Hellooooo! I am so with you -In fact I have bought a record 16 boxes of girl scout cookies and eaten almost all.
I will be at luna kitchen tonight if you want a hug or a cookie
Hugs. I travel with them
Love
Laurel
.-= laurel´s last blog ..Friday Cool. =-.
Yes, it’s Girl Scout season isn’t it? I’ve been avoiding them like Dracula avoids sunlight. Or does Dracula avoid garlic? Or crosses? Or is it puppies?
Anyway, I would have LOVED to meet up with you but the bloating and crankiness is far too much for any human to withstand this week. Next time…
Sorry for your bad week. I think it is safe to say we can all relate. Well, most of us. The ones that don’t are probably the ones that can relate to having magic markers thrown at them. As my mother always said, “Tomorrow will be better”.
.-= Chicken´s last blog ..Chicken Takes a Personal Day… =-.
Thankfully I’m feeling better and have come out of my angry zombie like trance. All markers have been removed from the home.
whoa.. wait, your daughters have the same birthday? talk about sibling rivalry DOMINANCE. you might want to change that before it gets too intense. And, I’m worried about you. Don’t make me come out there (again) and chain you to your blog.. TYPE DAMMIT!!!
.-= Ry Sal´s last blog ..Made for Each Other… =-.
Yes, same birthday two years apart. Hopefully they won’t have that Marsha and Jan rivalry thing going on. Because neither of them would look good in a huge black afro wig.
Shut your pants yes. Your blog…NO!! How would George or any of us ever find you?
And who will tell me what the hell trench mouth is?
.-= Mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Mama Hard Ass =-.
Google trench mouth.
It’s so worth it.
Um. Quit your blog? Does this mean you and Ry are already forfeiting the chicken fight/dance fight/origami fight to Team (K)elly?!?!
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..More Than One Way to Skin a Mac =-.
I’ll wait to shut it down so Ry and I can KICK YOUR ASSES!
Worried about PMS? Do what I do and dress in sweats 24/7. I’m not exactly a looker, but hey, no peek a boo shows here.
.-= Zen Mom´s last blog ..Silly Walk Central =-.
I know when to hide in the shed ……. tell me when it’s all over and I’ll make you a cup of tea …….
.-= Daddy Papersurfer´s last blog ..ANNOUNCING THE iHORRORSCOPE =-.
Can you please tell my husband to join you in that shed?
The man is clueless!
I’ll bet the seven slices were itty-bitty bite size pieces. Just give yourself one large serving and forget about it.
.-= Mark Kerstetter´s last blog ..Like a River =-.
I love cake. They weren’t that tiny…
I’m having one of those…um, years. At least you have George Clooney.
I went to see my mom sing in her chorale group this weekend only to discover afterwards that due to my excessive fatness my zipper had come undone at some unknown point during the evening. Pretty sure all her chorale buddies enjoyed the full frontal of her daughter’s plump vag.
Sometimes the vag just does what it wants to do. No controlling it. I’ve stopped trying.
Could be worse than George.
This week will be better.
Kelly
.-= kelly@TearingUpHouse´s last blog ..When Where What 015 =-.
I HAVE trenchmouth and although I’ve been searching the world over for someone who has the mental capabilities to cure this plague I refuse to let you shut down this blog. Even if you greet people you don’t know with your vag. Can you imagine if it could introduce itself?
.-= kelly´s last blog ..Ready or Not, Here Comes a Thought =-.
Sometimes I hear someone talking to me when there’s nobody else around.
Think it’s my vag.
Hey Amanda – you through a magic marker at your husband? I always used to use writing implements to attack my husband too. I stabbed him with a pencil and once threw a typewriter at his head. He ducked and it went through the front window into the street. Maybe it’s a writer thing?
.-= Broken Biro´s last blog ..Why are there no songs about librarians? =-.
Oh wow, you totally trumped me. A typewriter! That’s awesome.
I subscribe to your posts by email now so that I can read it while still managing to look as if I were working! I love your blog. I love what you are doing here. Please. Think of the children!
Also, the beautiful thing that’s going on between you and Ry needs to go on otherwise baby unicorns will die. Do you want to kill baby unicorns? Huh? If you do, you can’t even get that award the Bloggess gave out!
I hope I’ve made myself clear. If all fails, I will bribe you. What do you drink again?! (Since for sure, I cannot bribe you with homemade food from “me”… You’d just laugh in my face. But if that’s what it takes to get you to never utter about quitting again, so be it. Laugh in my face all you want)
Now I must go and do my taxes.
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..Warning Signs: To hell in a handbasket =-.
Well….now that you mention the baby unicorns.
I mustn’t let them die!
Thank you for the pep talk. I’ll keep blogging.
Wine. I’m a total wino.
Wow – I have those weeks. They are intense.
Don’t stop blogging – I just got here, and hate to feel like I am the last to join a closing bar when I am up for a long night of drinking.
And, I have to quietly admit: Me addicted to RHWONYC. Eff me, what a fine example of the highest possible form of pure entertainment.
We should do a Real housewives of SF. I bet we’d floor those bitches with our foul west coast mouths, haha.
Any takers?
Real Housewives of S.F. would be a total flop if I were cast…
BORING. Me on the computer. Me yelling at my kid to stop being such a spaz. Me feeding the cats. Me picking up dog poop.
You get the idea.
What is trench mouth?
And sorry for the dancing lunatic at the concert, that was probably my husband.
.-= Mountain Momma´s last blog ..Toilet Tales, or My Life as a Series of Bathroom Stops =-.
Please tell your husband that wearing black fishnet stockings with penny loafers is not a good look.
I’ve had a great week too!!
.-= laura´s last blog ..Truth be told =-.
I hope this week is going better! And you’d better not shut down your blog!
.-= LZ´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday. She can sleep anywhere. =-.
Thanks, it is better. Don’t you ever feel like shutting your down – or is it just me?
When I have weeks like that, I don’t miss with the marker. Then, I have to listen to my husband moan and bitch about his boo boo what feels like an eternity.
.-= Mama Zen´s last blog ..Sunday Funk =-.
I have a huge zit on my chin, an empty package of mint chocolate oreos, and an appointment for uterine ablation on April 23d.
What I don’t have is a George Clooney.
I’ll race ya.
Oh, hell, no I won’t. That would require I get off my ass.
.-= Lagunatic´s last blog ..Tub nuggets, CHEERS! =-.
Okay, I now have to Google uterine ablation. Hope I don’t see photos…
Hi! How are you doing over there? Better I hope! I will be entering dangerous PMS territory soon. We call it crazy comin to town:) Luna Kitchen was fab fun as always and Spencer loved it. He went back and hung out the next day on Valencia. I want him to move there so I have cool pad to hide from my family in. I pied de Sanity:)
I would have loved to meet you-and one day we will I bet!
xo
Laurel
.-= laurel´s last blog ..Hi my Sweets! =-.
Thanks, things are better! I would love to meet up with you sometime and have a drink…
hey, at least you know it won’t bring PMS. And that’s already something, isn’t it?
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Preparing for summer… though baby, it’s cold outside =-.