Fermented garlic.
Tastes like…
Rotting corpse with a hint of garlic. If you enjoy that sort of taste permeating the inside of your mouth for a year then it’s delicious. Absolutely delicious.
I’m quite adventurous when it comes to food, although lately meat has been a big turn-off for me. Yes, I will now go ahead and add meat to my list of “turn-offs” in my imaginary dating bio, along with lint filled belly buttons, long walks on a city sidewalk in bare feet, and gun toting kittens.
I’m also not particularly crazy about eating feathers. Or skin. So I suppose if I were to head out on the road with my pal Anthony Bourdain he would call me a big fat pussy and force me to eat a giant brain and feather sandwich in between two pieces of donkey skin.
I just might do it for Anthony though.
I’m in possession of this lump of black garlic because I got it for free. It came along with a bunch of other stuff courtesy of the people who put on an event called Swagapalooza. Yes, I left the house last night, alone, and ventured to the worst part of San Francisco. All in the name of free stuff.
Did you hear me? I went out by myself. I walked into a room full of strangers. ALL BY MYSELF. All in the name of free stuff.
I was invited to this event along with 80 or so other bloggers. Guy Kawasaki (think Apple and Alltop, not motorcycles) was the keynote speaker. I arrived fashionably late, grabbed a free drink and didn’t mingle. At all.
Surprised?
Well nobody wanted to talk to me either. Yes, I’m an extremely approachable human being. In retrospect I think my ensemble was a bit off putting. Aluminum foil bonnet, chain link see through tank top, and raccoon pants may not have been the best choice of outfits.
Anyway. Back to the garlic.
Not the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Instead of purchasing death flavored garlic, may I suggest you buy a fresh bulb of garlic, cut 1/2″ off the pointed end, drizzle with olive oil, wrap in foil and roast for 45 minutes in a 350 degree oven.
Then put on your raccoon pants, share with your favorite corpse and enjoy.
47 Comments
i’ve missed your writing. it was lovely to catch up with something as enticing as death-flavored garlic. yummy!
.-= kim´s last blog ..This house is haunted, right Ashley? =-.
Thank you! Glad you’ll read my blog even if I write about corpse garlic.
I’m willing to try most things, but I wonder if no-one was speaking to you after you ate it because you were emanating eau de Corpse?
I’m a big mingler, but often wonder – if, instead of ‘working the room’, you stay in one place – does the room work you? It seems not.
.-= Broken Biro´s last blog ..How to Come Second in a Poetry Competition =-.
Nope. The room ignored me.
I was insulted.
You don’t mingle? I’m surprised, not that I know anything about you except that you’re very funny and in my experience funny people like to mingle. Usually they NEED to. Although it’s a different story when you’re on your own.
Garlic. My favourite food, nearly, next to cheese, which I will eat fermented. Very funny post, Amanda – I’m always happy to see that there’s something new to read from you.
I do like to mingle, but I think I was scarred as a child as I was labeled “shy.”
Stuck with me my entire life. I’m the “shy” person.
Next time I’ll go naked.
Not a big mingler myself but for free stuff…I might make one eyed eye contact. And I might try fermented garlic if fermented onion rings were involved.
Yeah, I don’t know what that means either.
I’ve completely forgotten about the free stuff. It’s sitting on the floor of my closet…
No-one ever wants to talk to me at events either. But then I’m generally not there because no-one invites me. So no sympathy from me.
Do you have a photo of the outfit, though?
.-= Dad Who Writes´s last blog ..Grass =-.
Yes, People magazine and the Daily Mail will be highlighting my ensemble next week. Please have your vomit bucket nearby.
I LOVE garlics! But not this much. But, wait, wait, you got invited as a BLOGGER?! Woohoo! You have arrived!!! I am extremely unapproachable in person too what with my dragon lady look (or dry cleaner store owner or nail salon person) that somehow hints, erroneously, my inability to carry a conversation in English. I wouldn’t be walking around with garlics since I am trying to cultivate an impression that I am a vampire. I am sorry this is all random and disjointed. Nanu nanu. xxoo
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: Here, have an MRI =-.
Oh you had me at dry cleaner store owner…
Sorry. I forgot this.
You mother blogger you!
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: Here, have an MRI =-.
What? Raccoon pants are out? Why am I always the last to know.
Glad you made it out and lived to tell the tale. I’m a tad jealous. I want free stuff…even if it is ancient garlic.
Hope you had fun.
.-= Zen Mom´s last blog ..Productivity Redefined =-.
I didn’t have fun because I was worried about getting back to my car around the block. THE worst block in the city. Will I get raped, murdered, my loot bag stolen????
Well damn, had I known they were giving out rotten food, I could have hooked them up with rotten onions to go with their rotten garlic. I found them in the bottom of my pantry the other day. Oddly, I hadn’t smelled them until I moved the wrong/right thing. suddenly the odor was….well, come to think of it, corpse like. Shall I go trash diving and send you one? You can fix a complete corpse side dish….
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Wicked Girl Who Doesn’t Care Much For Happy Endings, Except My Own, Of Course =-.
Don’t tease me you wicked girl.
I have no idea what raccoon pants are, but thanks for inspiring the interesting Google image search I just conducted.
I would consider just going to an event like this, alone, to be a huge success, and I wouldn’t mingle either. I’d be too exhausted by the time I arrived–because of going alone into a group of people and all the energy THAT takes. Anyway, how are you supposed to eat fermented garlic? Do you just eat it as is, as a nice appetizer?
.-= Tina´s last blog ..Well, I personally think that slips of the f-bomb are funny =-.
You’re SO right. I was exhausted. What do I wear? Who’s going to be there? Will I be laughed at?
The garlic was smooshy in consistency. I would imagine using it in a stir-fry of some sort.
Gun toting kittens is a “turn-off” now? We got ourselves another 2nd amendment hatin’ lib-lab here. You can have my kitten’s guns when you pry them from their cold, dead, teeny-tiny, furry, adorable, paws
.-= Homemaker Man´s last blog ..Because I should post more often . . . =-.
I’ve just peed my pants…
I am going to hold a free crap party called Crapapalooza (man that was hard to spell) And invite all of my bloggy friends since I have no RL friends that would even be caught dead with me (does that make sense) Anywho, I want you to be the keynote speaker but only if you wear your tinfoil hat and chain link tank top…I would prefer if you wear something from here http://lmcollection.com/ under the Liquid fashion colletction such as the vest and g-string to class the event up a bit. Also I will be giving away things like the pandora bracelet my godmother gave me for my 41st birthday, the sound track to aladin that she gave me for my 40th birthday and a cowbell. Deets to follow privately.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Voodoo Ass Twitch =-.
Please oh please tell me I’ll make that guest list. I have some crap I’ll be happy to donate!
Elly….!!!! of course you are on the guest list. Actually I am going to make you one of the key note speakers as well, I just haven’t figured out your outfit yet.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..I Have Sweaty Palms, And No It’s Not For Any Sexy Reasons =-.
I’ll be there with the cowbell and the DRESS. Oh my gosh I need that slutty whore-like super EXPENSIVE dress.
Will I have to dance to the Alladin sound track?
I dance like a retarded white person.
Argh…being moderated I think because I put a link in there. (a chain link)
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Voodoo Ass Twitch =-.
Har har. Yes. The evil spammers have been attacking my family friendly site. I must protect the children!
That garlic scares me. And, garlic should never scare me.
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..(title unknown) =-.
STAY AWAY FRON THE GARLIC
When you feel sick and decide to eject the brain and feather sandwich from your innards, I’ll be there to hold your hair back, provided you’ve removed the aluminum foil bonnet.
.-= Irene (AmyGTR)´s last blog ..“The Alphabet of Manliness” =-.
Awe, I think that’s the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me.
My hair is 27 feet long by the way.
Curious. Did people not talk to you after you snagged the free black garlic or before? Can you get those raccoon pants at Army Surplus?
.-= Sue Gallogly´s last blog ..Chicken, Sam and the Ghost… =-.
The pants are made by my uncle Mario in Canada. He grooms them for years before the slaughter.
It’s hard for me to imagine NOT liking something that’s fermented…
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Bodies by Bob =-.
Really? Have you had fermented cauliflower?
Not good.
There are reasons why people give stuff away ….
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Evidence that fridge magnets can play a major role in relationship break-ups =-.
Correct.
what exactly are raccoon pants? can I borrow them? Anthony Bourdain might actually be the donkey skin, by the way…
.-= Ry Sal´s last blog ..This is just plain silly. =-.
My raccoon pants are the envy of all the people of Earth.
Yes, Anthony has donkey skin.
That looks like the ear that fell off my dead and buried monkey. That voo doo hex is gonna come back if someone’s dog dug it up, damn.
.-= kelly´s last blog ..Notes From the Underground =-.
Oh my! The monkey!
Where is the monkey? I’m not going to look out of my window…
Where does one purchase a pair of raccoon pants? Or is it kind of like a Davy Crockett hat and you reached deep inside for your pionneering spirit and made it yourself after killing a raccoon that was digging through your trash can?
PS: I totally don’t know how to spell pionneering.
.-= Mountain Momma´s last blog ..Sexercise is the New Jazzercise =-.
Use your imagination…
Yeah, I know all that other stuff is interesting, but I’m still stuck on someone going out to an event, invited, alone, after 6pm. People do that? Wow. I’m sweating with anxiety just thinking about it.
I’ll try to wrap my mind around corpse garlic and raccoon pants later. Can’t handle that right now. Come to think of it though, I might prefer these to any big social event– even with free stuff.
Out of character for me. I did it. It was boring.
Actually, you had it all wrong…you got the fermented garlic to rub on your raccoon pants. It helps keep them shiny.
.-= Lagunatic´s last blog ..How to get a bikini body by summer. =-.
Rotting corpse with a hint of garlic? Mmmm, delicious. You’ve really sold me!
.-= pixielation´s last blog ..Banged up in Munich for being English. Probably. =-.
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