Sweet kitchen, huh?
Tomorrow I will be washing my pots and pans in the bathtub and eating my microwaveable cheddar flavored chicken flavored tofu flavored lamb on a stick off of paper plates. Jealous?
We are renovating our kitchen. Ourselves. Well, I’m really no help. My husband is doing the bulk of the renovation. I’m on the cleanup crew. Sweeping, whining, sweeping, and muttering profanities under my breath.
It’s all good.
I thought our renovation would go something like those fancy HGTV decorating shows where the designer arrives on the doorstep of unsuspecting home owners with an extremely competent (and good looking) work crew in tow. The lucky couple are asked to leave the house for a few hours to have a glass of wine at the corner bistro. Or score some crack. They return several hours later to a beautiful new kitchen.
Did I mention I’ll be doing dishes in the tub tomorrow? Fuck.
48 Comments
That is the most bizarro picture of kitchen. I can hardly makes heads or tails out of it. Certainly can’t wash dishes in it.
.-= mari´s last blog ..Dolls in Boots =-.
ahem. I hate typos. “That is the mot bizarro picture of a kitchen. I can hardly make heads or tails out of it.”
Phew, I can breathe again. (my fingers are apparently trying to be subversive today and sobotaging my brilliant brain)
.-= mari´s last blog ..Dolls in Boots =-.
You know, I didn’t even notice there wasn’t a sink! Sounds like my kitchen.
Um- wow-I am now rethinking those stupid red f-ing cabinets…my kitchen must look clowny. (cool word)
Go out to eat-often Darling Girlie:)
Hmmmm-I recall washing baby bottles in the bathrom years ago when I thought a kitchen re-mod should definitely coordinate with the arrival of my fist baby…great planning
Hugs,
Laurel
.-= laurel´s last blog ..Branching out =-.
Clown kitchens are all the rage now, great for the resale value of a home. Do you know how many clowns one can fit into a kitchen? TONS.
ahahaha! I have decided today that I will repaint cabinets a less clowny turquoisey /green…whatcha think??
.-= laurel´s last blog ..New Love affair starts now and a couple of life’s lessons. =-.
I think the stage needs a cage around it and you need fucking GO GO BOOTS!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..The Day The Internet Portal Opened and No One Got Killed! =-.
You always have the best ideas. I think I’ll try and find go-go boots made out of salami (to keep the culinary theme going)
Now you are talking dirty to me…I am HUNGRY!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..The Day The Internet Portal Opened and No One Got Killed! =-.
a nice stripper pole would totally complete the package. I love the oven stage… totally jealous, actually.
.-= Ry Sal´s last blog ..House reDefine part III =-.
Stripper pole arrives tomorrow via “Kitchen, Baths, Stripper Poles and Tile” Hopefully I’ll learn some moves by then.
Interesting kitchen. It looks like someone tried to match the colors inside out. Oh dear.
“Interesting” just doesn’t do this masterpiece justice.
is that a trap door in the floor? is that where they kept the bodies of the boring dinner guests?
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..motherfucking oprah =-.
Ooh! Would you mind if I “borrowed” your idea? I have extra space beneath the floor and TONS of boring dinner guests.
Must buy some air freshener. And lye.
I thought that was a painted on “carpet”. I much prefer trap door, could also double as a toilet in a pinch.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..The Day The Internet Portal Opened and No One Got Killed! =-.
or a portal to the commune!
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..motherfucking oprah =-.
And as alway PattyPunker…you come up with the best ideas. A Trap door portal to the #commune at my house….jump on in!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Wooden Owls, Flying Rabbits and My Acid Vagina =-.
Oh boy…Doesn’t look fun at all, but just think how great it will be in your nice, new kitchen! At least you can multitask in the tub
.-= lz´s last blog ..I didn’t almost forget my daughter at the playground. Not even close. =-.
Oh gross. I can just imagine taking a luxurious bubble bath with bits of crusty old spaghetti floating around the tub.
YUK!
I am intensely jealous. Washing pots and pans in the bathtub is something I used to do when I was eighteen months old and it was such good fun.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Evidence that I too can write about Nature. =-.
I’ll send you a photo of me doing the exact same thing.
When we did our kitchen reno we didn’t have a sink for two months. TWO MONTHS. I think I gained 417 lbs from eating nothing but takeout. That’s what the door in the floor is for. If you get too chunky, you’ll fall through and not be able to climb back out until you whittle back down to a reasonable weight. That or break your neck and sustain your subversive colony of freakishly intelligent rats.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Viva Tequila =-.
I think I’ve only gained 400 pounds in the last week. Not bad.
The ancient Romans had the right idea.
Any hole in the floor can also double as a vomitorium.
Your murdered dinner guests won’t mind.
You know, because they’re dead.
.-= kelly´s last blog ..Facebook Used In Devious Revenge Plot =-.
I have always wanted my own personal vomitorium! I’m so excited!
Off to buy some scented candles…
Jeez, ladies, there is not enough clearance there to properly work a pole. Damn amateurs! So, instead, place the pole in the center, set up sound mix board on the stage area, remove all the rest of that nonsense, it is merely in the way, the trap door will be perfect for grand entrance through smoke. This will be the greatest strip show SF has ever seen and let’s face it, THAT is saying something!! Oh hellz yeah!!
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Open Letter To Rielle Hunter =-.
Okay, but where do I cook my mac and cheese?
Bwahaha! I laugh because I’ve renovated 2 of our bathrooms by myself (and am doing the landscaping). Apparently I am cheap AND a glutton for punishment. You can DOOO it!
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Tripping Down Wisteria Lane (et. all) =-.
You renovated a bathroom? I’m quite impressed. No. I’m incredibly impressed.
I hope you wore gloves. One word…
Poop.
Is that really your kitchen? If so, anything you do to it will be an improvement! Just trying to look on the bright side. You’re welcome.
.-= lesley´s last blog ..10 ways you can tell I am a successful working woman =-.
Oh no. Not MY kitchen.
Thankfully my kitchen is painted in a more subdued almond/vomit color palette.
F*ck! You scared me! I thought that red kitchen was yours!
Any hoo… I love how HGTV has turned us all into DIY warriors that don’t have a clue. I’m always telling my husband “Let’s by a really old house and fix it ourselves like on tv!” Thank God he never listens to me…
Good luck!
.-= The {Wannabe} WAHM´s last blog ..Get Your Facebook Page a Custom URL =-.
We bought a house that really didn’t need too much work but once it’s yours you must change EVERYTHING.
After the kitchen we’ll be remodeling the combo wine cellar/animal E.R./Oprah Winfrey memorabilia room.
Hold on. You mean you only get to do the dishes in the tub for one day? Just one day?
Now…
MOVE THAT BUS!!!
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: A great week to be a misanthrope =-.
Oh crap, I wish it was that easy. Where the fuck is that spaz Ty and his crew when you need them?
Looks like I’ll be washing dishes in the tub for another week.
Yay for me.
Well, as Sponge Bob would say, “Good luck with that!” I went through a kitchen overhaul when I was pregnant with my son Diego. Nino was 2 at the time. My husband did it himself. Yes. It took approximately 18 as long as otherwise. Did he do a good job? Yes. Did the entire house fill with a bronchitis inducing dust smog? Yes. Did I have to move out with my 2 year old to my sister-in-law and her girlfriend’s 1 bedroom apartment where said apartment dwellers enjoyed staying up til midnight and watching adult TV every night while I attempted to entertain my rugrat with a pile of legos and a coloring book while trying to get over pneumonia from the airborne kitchen particles lodged in my lungs for several months while we slept on the living room floor? Yes. Was it fun? Not so much. Did I survive? Just barely.
I hope it goes better for you. Hey, maybe if you write HGTV someone will come out and offer to pimp your kitchen on one of those reality shows for reals! Hey, it never hurts to beg and plead.
Okay, after reading that comment I will stop my whining now.
I’m good.
meant to say 18 times as long. still suffering from kitchen overhaul induced retardation and possible insanity
We live in a constant state of “remodeling” aka…a thousand little unfinished places the make up the map to home insanity.
Oh, and I’m stool waiting for Ed McMann to knock on my door.
That boat saile huh?
Um.
I think Ed is DEAD. Who has taken his place?
Because I’m waiting for the new guy to knock on my door. I need a new washer and dryer.
We are desperately trying to sell our house. While I was reading your post, my son was sitting next to me and asked if we would be moving into your place.
I told him, yes. Your kitchen is WAY better than ours. So stop swearing and get back to work. You are about to have five new roommates.
Hooray for communal living in the Bay Area!
-Francesca
PS: Are you going to Bloggy Boot Camp in August? It is in SF. Would LOVE the chance to finally meet you.
.-= Francesca´s last blog ..Pregnancy Might Really Be Making Me Smarter, And Possibly Thinner =-.
You guys can totally move in!
We need more people to gather around the claw foot tub to help wash our solid gold goblets and ruby studded dinner plates.
Bloggy boot camp sounds fun. As long as I can drink. And swear.
I feel your pain. We did the same thing a few years back. Never again. I think I’d rather just move to a new house than remodel my kitchen again. Come to think of it, I’d just like to move to a new house. Yeah, that’s it. Wait til I tell the hubby.
.-= Zen Mom´s last blog ..If Its Not One Thing, Its Another =-.
Let me know how that goes.
Maybe we can switch houses. You like licorice flavored black velvet wallpaper, right?
The stage for the oven makes sense-less bending over. Too bad your bathtub is not on a stage ’cause that is not gonna be fun,
.-= Chicken´s last blog ..Well, Why CAN’T I own a Canadian? Eh? =-.
That’s a grand idea. I’ll tell my husband to get to work building that bathtub stage. He doesn’t have too much going on right now (as I type this he’s in our shell of a kitchen measuring something and talking to himself – not in a good way)
Aha! Finally an enabled comment box.
I saw a bag hung on a lamppost yesterday and I thought “BOMB!”, like you do. Turned out to belong to one of the tour bus guides waiting for an open top double deck to trick tourists onto.
No wine glasses were involved.
We also renovated our kitchen. I have nothing interesting to say about it, unfortunately.
.-= Dad Who Writes´s last blog ..Writing/Why it’s quiet around here =-.