Yesterday I went out for a stroll with my cat Truffle. We were enjoying the beautiful sunny day. I was listening to my Nigerian language tapes and she was driving her sparkly purple Barbie Corvette. We came upon this sign. She and I looked at each other and chuckled.
What? What? I CAN HEAR YOU SNICKERING. Yes, my cat drives a Corvette. Big deal. Something wrong with that?
Kiwi, my other cat, is agoraphobic. She sits in a tiny sardine can underneath my bed, reading Allen Ginsberg poetry and sipping ginseng tea all day long.
B-O-R-I-N-G.
Truffle likes to look her best, and in order to keep her svelte seven pound figure she downs at least four boxes of diet pills a day combined with my famous cocaine/angel dust smoothies (I may or may not partake) A hearty lunch of sewer rat and marshmallows is followed by a trip to Chinatown to visit the pretty lady for a “special” massage. Ming wears far too much blush and smells like a combination of kimchi and Chicklets but Truffle claims this helps her gain focus for the upcoming driving instructors exam, but I think she’s just sexually confused.
Next up?
A bowel movement, which commences at approximately 12:47 pm, smack dab in the main lobby of the Fairmont Hotel, high atop Nob Hill. She enjoys the view. And the feel of the cold marble on her furry bottom.
What? What? I CAN HEAR YOU JUDGING. She’s not peculiar.
Who me?
Peculiar?
You think I’m peculiar for taking my cat to poop in a hotel lobby?
I’m just a very enthusiastic pet owner.
15 Comments
who doesn’t have to poop after a cocaine/angel dust smoothie? and a diva is a diva in all things.
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough =-.
In so jealous of this cats life!
Truffle is not allowed to party with Mildred. More cocaine smoothies for us!
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Stiff (as in Cadaver, not “Bored Stiff”…but Now That You Mention It…) =-.
I love the smell of kimchi mixed with Chicklets.
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..I’ve Never Shot A Moose, But If Bullwinkle Really Pisses Me Off…. =-.
I think if I was sitting in a sardine can I’d need some calming tea too.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Things I learned about why you should just ask a neighbour for help in the first place =-.
Now I want a “Beware of Peculiar Pussy” t-shirt. Oh, it said “cat” — whoops.
.-= Andrea´s last blog .."Instant Karma" =-.
You know, I was just discussing this with a good friend today. Well, actually, not exactly. We were talking about whether corvettes are an appropriate accessory for anyone over 45 and we decided no, corvettes (purple sparkly ones especially) are not acceptable accessory items. I’m sure this also applies to cats. So really, whether Truffle is peculiar or not would depend on how old she is, and not in cat years, but in human years. I love Truffle. I even love Kiwi. And even if they are peculiar, you are super cool.
.-= Chicken´s last blog ..Well, Why CAN’T I own a Canadian? Eh? =-.
Oh my God- you kill me with your funny. I was going to have lunch at the fairmont tomorrow- I think I will skip. Unless of coure her poop doesn’t smell -like my kiwi.
I am thinking your cat will drive before my son. I think getting a DUI before you are 16 might have something to do with that…:)
Hugs Silly Girl,
You are divine fun.
.-= laurel´s last blog ..Hi Sweet Wonders =-.
I also enjoy the cold marble floor on my furry bottom.
High.
Atop Nob Hill.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Monday Is A Stupid Little Whore =-.
Your imagination amazes me. Have you considered writing children’s books? “Truffle the Peculiar Cat” has a nice ring to it, and the makings of a best seller.
.-= Mountain Momma´s last blog ..My daughter from another mother =-.
I agree with Mountain Momma! What a great children’s book title!
.-= pixielation´s last blog ..In which I try, and fail to beat Pygmalion =-.
Purple?
W-E-I-R-D
.-= Jennifer June´s last blog ..About Me =-.
All the best cats drive. Our birds do too. They like nothing more than going for a spin across the fishpond, beaks open as they go, scooping up tadpoles and those beetles that think they are dodgem cars.
.-= Val´s last blog ..RESERVOIR CATS (and some fish) =-.
I like pooping in hotel lobbies too. Maybe I’m related to your cat.
I love that sign. I WANT ONE! We should get Elly one now that she has her own pussy. I mean, now that she has one more pussy to take care of. One she needs to trim and one she doesn’t. I didn’t see it in the emailed version of this post. I am kind of relieved yet disappointed that there is no picture of Pussy Galore driving Corvette.
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..Rule No.1: Always log off your account when you step away =-.