I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into the Hilton Hotel that hot and steamy morning last week. Would I be ridiculed because the airline lost my luggage and I was wearing an I ♥ New York sparkly camouflage tank top and pink spandex bicycle shorts I discovered in the lost and found bin at the Port Authority?
Yes.
I’m kidding. Nobody made fun of me to my face.
But I was nervous. Nervous because I was about to meet my “special internet friends” for the first time. Turns out I had nothing to worry about because we certainly weren’t there to enjoy ourselves or anything. We were all there on serious business. This conference was all about our websites and we were there to learn how to build better blogs and how to become better writers.
I think I went to the wrong conference.
There were lactating women running about wearing multi-colored tutus, grabbing for free samples of meat on a stick, Dora the Explorer underwear, whole milk, and colon cleanser. There was also Bruce Jenner. Yes, A list celebrities from 1978 = amazing blogging conferences.
Because I have the attention span of a fly there was plenty of alcohol to dull the pain of the boring sessions. I was hoping someone would smoke a bit of angel dust and leap off the roof, just like Helen Hunt did in the acclaimed 1981 ABC after school special called “Angel Dusted.”
No such luck.
I saw mothers carrying newborn babies with protective head gear, I had to tend to my incredibly frizzed out fro (thanks humidity) and I watched grown women put McDonald’s paper bags on their heads all while eating cheeseburgers.
All in all it wasn’t what I expected, but I had a good time and met some interesting people, but will I attend again? Nope.
But I’m grateful to my new friends… a vapid vampire, the Chopin vodka guzzling Taiwanese wonder, the pouty one, the lovely lady who hugs naked men in Times Square, the unicorn licker, and the sexy news anchor, because without them I would have been wandering the halls of BlogHer in search of angel dust.
44 Comments
I made a promise to myself to do the absolute possible to meet you all next time…:D
.-= Vanilla North´s last blog ..change of property green 7 =-.
We’ll come to you. Road trip to Norway!
My idea of hell …… nice piccies!
.-= Daddy Papersurfer´s last blog ..I THINK … =-.
Glad I didn’t send you that roundtrip first class ticket on Topless Hot Lady Airlines.
Maybe next year.
It sounds to me that the whole thing is a massive excuse for big products to mass market their goods at you under the guise of generosity, crossed with a massive excuse for people to get together and get really drunk.
The second part of which sounds really fun!
.-= pixielation´s last blog ..Aspiring to be average – a teaser =-.
You got it right. It’s even better if you’re a mommy blogging lactating constipated Bruce Jenner lover.
You’re right though, the second part was the best.
*slurp*
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..What I’m Pretty Sure Was a Hallucination =-.
Ditto.
My feelings, too, but you summed them up much better than I did. Awesome new friends? Check. Way too much swag and focus on parties? Check. Blogging info and inspiration? Nope.
I’m glad we got to at least briefly say hello!
.-= LZ´s last blog ..I came- I saw- I went home BlogHer 2010 =-.
Glad I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. It was really nice to finally meet you too.
1. word!
2. my favorite venues: bryant park, sushi restaurant, late-night bar.
3. my least favorite parts: panelists with swollen egos and no substance. tutus, tiaras, bright leggings, boas and ginormous bows. and the worst accessory: newborn baby in designer carrier at a late-night party.
4. what i learned: my new friends are fucking awesome, no disappointment there. even exceeded my expectations
5. best visuals: these pics. i want to see all of yours! are you putting them on flickr? also the paintings in late-night bar.
6. banner photo- wow muff is back! haven’t seen that since 1978 either.
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..fuckit10 =-.
I couldn’t have said it better!
I was going to post the creepy Willem Dafoe pic from the bar but am saving it for another post.
Stay tuned…
Please start the rumor that I am in fact 6 months pregnant. Also I have an artificial arm made of mutant chicken drumstick. Thank you. Those two women in your banner photo? We sure had fun partying with them, didn’t we?
I love your recap. I am just going to link it back here so I don’t have to write yet another blogher post on my blog. I am sure my readers are ready to strangle me if I mention Blogher again…
.-= subWOW´s last blog ..Making new friends is mentally exhausting even if you love them at first sight BlogHer10 Day 2 =-.
Oh how you make me laugh my lovely Asian goddess.
Don’t forget about your attempted rescue of a two day old newborn that was swigging vodka mixed with breastmilk.
“I’m going to go get that baby and put it in a BUBBLE!”
We should all plan on attending the Burning Man festival next to see who ends up in jail.I bet thousands of bloggers are going!
.-= kelly´s last blog ..Hello- I Love You- Won’t You Tell Me Your Name =-.
Next time I’m bringing my own fucking bubble to rescue all the poor newborns. I’ll leave them with Bruce Jenner. He’ll feed them Wheaties.
Burning Man would be lovely, it’s a date. I have a chartreuse Chanel pantsuit picked out that would just look smashing!
I have some pix from last year’s Burning Man, not my pix, mind you. My brother-in-law went.I would love to go eat sand and watch 20 year old naked girls run around for a week. Oh yes, can we please???!!!!
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Choreplay……Everybody Loses =-.
Somehow sand in the vagina doesn’t sound too appealing. How about I meet you at the rest stop a few miles ahead.
One of the best no-frills, no bullshit posts I’ve seen on BlogHer…and one of the reasons I wouldn’t go either. Well, that…and I don’t have a vagina.
.-= Unfinished Rambler´s last blog ..A Heluva Good race Eh- not really- but Jimmie Johnson wrecked! Woo hoo! =-.
Thanks for the compliment rambling man…
Doesn’t matter that you’re vagina-free. Dudes are totally welcome. Just bring your earplugs, those drunk women can SCREAM.
So in other words, the party’s at your house next year?
Kelly
.-= kelly@TearingUpHouse´s last blog ..Before Progress Pictures- The Historic House By The Water- Kitchen- Part 4 =-.
Yes, bring your computer, rubber ducky and favorite Backstreet Boys album.
Tell me you’re not serious about Bruce Jenner.
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Lets Get It On =-.
YES. He was there, along with his plastic face.
I was highly disappointed that Bruce Jenner was not = to Bruce Campbell. I think if I’d known that from the get-go, a lot of confusion could have been eliminated for me.
Also, your business cards were my favorite.
I had the same experience the first time I went. So, I’m sorry and I understand.
I missed meeting Bruce. I think he was hocking some sort of man rash cream – whole wheat cereal combo.
Your vagina, my vodka and…um I don’t know. We could just see what transpires!
Also I am making a plado shrine in the likeness of everyone to keep me company. I’m not creepy.
Really.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..What Did I Do WHAT DID I DO =-.
You are totally creepy.
But my breasts totally look like the chick that is holding the sleeping mondo bush lady. Yup, those are totally my boobs.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..What Did I Do WHAT DID I DO =-.
Again…You are totally creepy.
Next time call me. I know a “dust” guy.
The whole experience would have been much more…colorful with his assistance.
(-:
Oh my gosh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.
wow- not sounding totally worth the cross-country trek but I am glad you met some worthwhile peeps and I expect that you are the sort of girl that can make hr own fun, No?
I am grateful for your insight and based on it I will pass attending next time as well. I am into blogging for the expression and connections and that’s all. Not big on marketing and selling myself. I would be a hooker if that was the case:)
Hope to meet you one day tho Chickie:)
Love
L
.-= laurel´s last blog ..Wednesday Wonders =-.
I’m so glad I went – had a blast. Just wish there was more helpful information.
We should get together, would love to meet you (I promise I’m not too odd)
Nexy year I am totally coming. Even though I have a penis. I will hide it…
Even with Bruce Jenner and his Joan Rivers-esqu face there, it totally sounds amazing!!!
.-= Brahm (alfred lives ´s last blog ..The Tide is High Blondie live- live- live! =-.
Oh your penis is always welcome at these events. All vaginas all the time gets really, really boring. And stinky.
Ohhh, you actually WENT to the sessions? I went to one, but just to mack the conference wifi to check my email. I think it was marginally faster in the room, but inquiring minds had to find out. I didn’t make any of the “notes” – key, end, middle or gala. Of course, I realized later that this ALSO meant that I didn’t get any of the food, either, but I like to think my absence made for an extra big helping for the busboys. I did show up to collect my five free Scotches. I never waste drink-stamps.
I spent my days: arguing with an Egyptian cabbie over his route vs. the one I pulled up on my phone;bailing mid-day to the Upper West side to meet my SIL in a firefighter bar for an afternoon of liquor and guacamole; wheedling my way into the CBS Radio Offices to sit in on a last.fm recording session; having long, philosophical discussions with panhandlers in Bryant Park (wait – was that YOU?) and getting ENTIRELY too familiar with the folks from Room Service. (Can you say Filet Mignon and cheesecake at 11:00 pm? om, nom.)
We totally should have run away together after I accosted you in the hallway. (wait – that WAS you, wasn’t it…?)
Huh? Who are you?
Kidding! Yes, that was me at Bryant Park AND in the hallway at that party thing.
Sounds like you had a blast. I completely forgot I was in a hotel with room service – I was so hungry when I stumbled in at 3am I almost ate the honey lavender soap. I passed out instead.
well, i’m really hoping that you go next year, even if it’s just to the parties. i’m hoping by then i’ll be brave enough to meet you all
.-= cali´s last blog ..lovesong =-.
You don’t need to be brave to meet us. You need to be crazy.
Gifts help too.
It was great to meet you – and the ‘Vagina Lunch’ (if you could call it that – ahem!) was definitely one of the highlights for me! I could have used more vodka though – and lunch time would have been the perfect time.
.-= Di@PowderRmGraffiti´s last blog ..Ambition is a Funny Thing Living the dream PowderRoomGraffiti =-.
Wonderful set of pictures. I’ve always had the impression that most of the people at conferences on a particular kind of circuit form part of a kind of system of mutually reassured celebrity, like those money-markets that seem to exist purely in theory and on the basis of unbelievably sophisticated transactions between each other.
.-= Dad Who Writes´s last blog ..Housing crisis- arguments- stomping =-.
I mean really. How long were they married? There can’t be enough material to write a book more than 20 pages. Maybe he’ll go the ol college paper route, 13pt font, big margins .
hahaha! I know what you mean, when I went to BlogHer09 I kept looking around wondering where I had landed, ’cause it surely looked like another planet
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